A Visual Reminder That it’s Time to Back Off

By Zerline Hughes

When he saw it, his actual first thought was a genuine, “Oh, cool!”

We both know his sister would have responded 100 percent differently. He imitates her,  says her first thought would have been, “Oh no, why me?”

Lemme explain … My son is actually quite accepting of me hanging around him. He doesn’t shoo me away, nor does he give me directives on where to pick him up at school for fear of his friends seeing me. I can be spotted at the kids’ school any day, any time. That’s one of the reasons I decided to try my hand at being a consultant – so I could have more control of my schedule and be more involved with  and available to my children. And I am.

I just never thought that I was so hands on and involved that my son and I would be in his school’s yearbook in a photo together. Gasp. It’s a photo of us, mind you, during a weekend Homecoming celebration that families were invited to. We’re taking a selfie with the school mascot and the featured photo captures us posing together.

On the one hand, it’s cute, fun, sweet. On the other, I wonder if it’s overkill. I mean, he is an 8th grader — ahem now, officially, a ninth grader — and he’s pictured in the yearbook with his momma! Are his friends thinking, “she’s always around,” or “why in the world is his mom in the student year book?” or “what a momma’s boy!”

To Be or Not to Be Independent: The Ugly Reality of Short Leashed vs. Free-range Kids

By Zerline Hughes

Just after nightfall, I sent my son out to the mailbox that hangs on the front of our home to get the mail. I deliberated for a good minute whether or not to ask him to retrieve the day’s mail, but ultimately decided I didn’t want to get up from the couch. When the door closed behind him, I started to panic and I cried.

Just 24 hours earlier, a neighbor emailed our community listserv. The subject line: My kids caught in crossfire of drive-by shooting Saturday. The contents of the email explained that just four blocks away in our tiny neighborhood was a gun fight. This was during our neighbors’ outdoor kids birthday party. During a Sunday afternoon where kids were at the neighborhood park that I’ve been advocating for and writing about recently. No one was physically hurt, but the family and the children that had to duck, cover, hit the pavement are definitely experiencing mental trauma. And apparently, so am I.

So maybe now you’ll get why These Two aren’t the free-range children that I’d like them to be. Maybe now you’ll stop wondering when you hear that many of our young Black men are not trained to take out the trash, help ladies across the street and the elderly with their groceries. That’s the good stuff of yesteryear when there was no threat of getting jumped, shot, or “fitting the description” once they opened the door to their home.